Sometimes, as a parent, I get tasky.  I get focused on what I am doing and not on the big picture.  In those times, it's really easy to use my authority over my kids to be selfish and force them into my schedule instead of build them up in their own right, apart from my immediate wishes.  Unfortunately, that is not helpful for them, or me, or the Lord's purposes in my life or theirs!  Not only is it not helpful, but it often leads to unneccesary strife in our home. 

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?  James 4:1

What's needed here is the same thing that all relationships need in order to keep from quarreling and anger: self-sacrifice and changed thinking. 

James says that our "passions are at war" within us.  It might seem confusing since we often serve God best through our passions, right?  Passions for life, (as in I'm passionate about flying) or romantic passions; both these things can have positive results in their right context.  Look again at James 4:1; the problem is not the existence of passions, but the war that goes on between them.  Wars happen when two opposing groups refuse to yield to one another. 

God puts some passions in us to do his will!  The problem comes when we cling to the passion versus clinging to God.  When a passion rears its head, will I let it rule me, or will I subject my ideas to the Holy Spirit's guidance and allow God to bring his results in his time?

Ugg.  It's not easy; but I'm convinced that learning to hold passions in check is the path to great righteousness, peace and joy and those are the characteristics of God-filled living!

Here are some ideas on how to change bad, fighting thinking to be more peaceful and enjoyable.

-Bathtime: the kids are being silly and I just want them to get dressed and go to bed.
    -Truth #1: It is good and right for the kids to listen to their dad and go to bed. (Eph. 6:1-2)
    -Truth #2: (I often forget.) It's good for the kids to have fun and enjoy being silly.  (Eccles. 3:4)
    -Option #1: Scold the kids for being silly, discipline as necessary.  Usher them into bed with explanations and sternness. 
    -Option #2: Climb into the bathtub with them (even fully clothed!) and play with them for a few minutes; living out the value of laughter, fun and silliness with my boys. 
    -Summary: Sometimes, a messy bathroom and an extra load of laundry and five minutes of fun with my kids is better than a hard night of angry dad, sad kids and no fun household.  Caveat: Of course, this can't always happen and there are times where the fun just has to end, but if that's all there ever is, the Spirit of God is not accurately reflected. 
   
-Reading time: time for a bedtime story, devotions or some other focused time.  But the kids keep talking over the story, Bible passage or whatever.
    -Truth #1: The kids do need to learn to focus and listen (Prov. 22:15)
    -Truth #2: The Bible is more important than silly, undisciplined kids (Ps. 119:9-12)
    -Option #1: Hammer the kids about the importance of being quiet and the importance of listening to God's Word!
    -Option #2: Listen for a nugget of truth in their silliness, and be silly with them, not disregarding the Scripture, but demonstrating it's value.  Kid: "I bet I could kill more people than David did!" Dad: (Instead of arguing with the child about how he's not listening to the story, or about how he just doesn't appreciate what David did)  JUMPS UP ONTO THE BED and says "Really?!  You think you could fight Goliath even if he was this tall [puts his hands up over his head] and this strong [picks up the kid and tickles him]!?
    -Summary: God is teaching me that my ideas of how things ought to go are seldom the best ideas of how they ultimately can go for God's glory.

What are some ideas you have?  What are the competing truths you live with?  How can you end the war of the passions in you in order to glorify God best and win the hearts of those around you? 

God, make me a good dad.  I don't want to be bound by my ideas of what is right in every moment.  Instead, I want to be like you, wise, creative and showing perfect patience with everyone.  Please teach me your ways and fill me with the Holy Spirit so I can live and foster righteousness, peace and joy.